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 Post subject: Epiphanies
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:45 pm 
orange you glad?
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Ok, this is similar to random thoughts but more along the line of ED and related subjects and our various realizations about them. They can be truisms that have finally hit home, or anything really.

here's mine:
I'm feeling kinda full from lunch and was about to go puke but then I had the thought But what will that solve? What will vomiting accomplish? and the little voice of reason whispered Nothing. And that's the truth--and it stopped me from puking (at least this once) because vomiting what I eat isn't going to make anything any better.

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breda wrote:
but there is no magic wand- the magic comes from inside each and every one of us.


"now i have this thing, which is new and i don't understand. i am not sad. i am just re-writing" --R.A.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:08 pm 
orange is a state of mind

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Thats AWESOME



Mine for yesterday was:
I can only be myself... AND that includes my body

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Lokah Samasta Sukinoh Bhavantu
May everyone everywhere find peace and release from suffering.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:14 pm 
power lies within
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brilliant!
i have a feeling i shall be posting in this thread, as i find myself somewhat...prone...to epiphanies. like little bricks or puzzle pieces i find lying around.
i'll give you an old one that yours reminded me of, rather than a current/recent one, for lack of any:
[um, it could be triggering or upsetting to those with experience with miscarriage or related...?]
one time i was in the act of purging and my mind had actually wandered to the topic of children, and to the idle thought that aw, maybe i would like to have a child some day, some FAR AWAY hypothetical day when i am hypothetically totally well, and then my brain actually quoted the 'THIN' documentary where a woman says, "I've lost a child to bulimia; I've miscarried" and it was like my wise mind in my head going, "you know, every time you...lean...you're taking a stab at the possibility of the life of that child."
it was weird. and upsetting. and unexpected and totally out of left field as far as my realm of...possibility. and, it was enough that i stopped...

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“If I am not for me, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
- Rabbi Hillel


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:29 pm 
wickedrache wrote:
[um, it could be triggering or upsetting to those with experience with miscarriage or related...?]

This really applies to this post too (which was a very well thought trigger warning I thought Rachel)
wickedrache wrote:
one time i was in the act of purging and my mind had actually wandered to the topic of children, and to the idle thought that aw, maybe i would like to have a child some day, some FAR AWAY hypothetical day when i am hypothetically totally well, and then my brain actually quoted the 'THIN' documentary where a woman says, "I've lost a child to bulimia; I've miscarried" and it was like my wise mind in my head going, "you know, every time you...lean...you're taking a stab at the possibility of the life of that child."
it was weird. and upsetting. and unexpected and totally out of left field as far as my realm of...possibility. and, it was enough that i stopped...

You know I often do an incredibly similar thing at work.. we get a lot of adorable little children in as it's a tourist attraction, it's very hot and we sell ice cream (which is pretty much a dead certain formula for large amounts of small over excited children) and I watch them mucking about and try to stop them knocking the crisp stand over all over them, and chat to them and hear all about the bunny they saw.. and I think about how much I'd love to have a child and infact how I'm pretty certain that that's what I really want my future to have in it.. then I get that chilling feeling that if I don't look after myself then I'll never be able to.. and an eating disorder really isn't a trade off for a future child which pretty much always results in me eating lunch rather than skipping it because I'm stressed from work.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:51 pm 
orange you prolific
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Awesome!

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Arielle :)
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 Post subject: The Cowardly Lion IS Brave!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:58 pm 
power lies within
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it's always kind of bothered me that in the Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow turns out to be smart [ie. have a brain], the Tin Man turns out to be a softie [ie. have a heart], Dorothy learns there's no place like home [ie. she has a home and doesn't have to "look any further than my own backyard" for her heart's desire] and the Lion...is a pussy, if you'll pardon the pun, 'til the end. he is the Cowardly Lion and whinges all the way to Emerald City.
or so i thought. i just realised [maybe this is supposed to be obvious?] that he'd have to be brave to leave his sleepless and familiar world with these strangers to go off to see the Wizard [the Wonderful Wizard of Oz] in search of courage in the first place.

hmm whoops, these are supposed to be ED-related.
(well it is.)

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“If I am not for me, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
- Rabbi Hillel


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:24 pm 
the original orange
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I am not a mind-reader. Therefore, I should not feel as though I have to somehow augur what other people think... I should ask... or better yet give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they will tell me if they have a problem. (I have issues with thinking people think negative about me. I am not anywhere near as bad as I was, but I still catch myself thinking like this from time to time and have to remind myself to think differently.) I need to let go of the need to try and make people happy pre-emptively out of some fear that they are negatively prejudging me. I need to just be, and let other people be as well... so that we can all learn to be at ease with yourselves together.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:40 pm 
orange you prolific
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I have learned that you cannot ALWAYS "kill 'em with kindness." I guess the hopeful Arielle in me had always hoped (and thought) this was the case.

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Arielle :)
http://tearstowords.blogspot.com [recovery]
http://youtube.com/arielleleebair [recovery videos]
http://twitter.com/arielleleebair


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:28 pm 
power lies within

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I realized today after looking at diet pills for 10 minutes that I DONT need them, I am fine the way I am and that they would only bring misery.

**and umm. possible trigger... yeah, anorexia can cause miscariages too. found that out 6 years ago.

I want children, so fuck the ED!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 3:57 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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Getting better is messy, and that's okay. Specifically, it's okay for ME to be messy.

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"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
--Marianne Williamson

"Failure is a temporary detour and should never become a permanent address."
--Dr. Myles Munroe


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:52 pm 
galactic orange

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:10 pm
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(*possibly triggering* )

1. Binging means that I am not eating enough....not that I am gluttonous and horribly large. Seems obvious enough; yet I still fall into the same trap.


2. I need to scrap these ideas of restriction and weightloss for the fall. As of today I am set up for an (almost) full course load and will be living in a social environment. I cannot afford (financially or personally) to throw out another year because of all this crap. I know An unhealthy body and mind are not thing condusive to LIVING. (so why do i continue to waiver.....)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 6:33 pm 
admin goddess from hell
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I realised that filling out a food log triggers me because once I have entered anything - a food or calories - its clear, pristine blankness is ruined or sullied and ugly...not such a major epiphany, but...t'is what it is.

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Whispered words of wisdom,
Let it be.

~~ John Lennon


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:10 pm 
power lies within

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Spender wrote:
I realised that filling out a food log triggers me because once I have entered anything - a food or calories - its clear, pristine blankness is ruined or sullied and ugly...not such a major epiphany, but...t'is what it is.


You are SO right.... whenever I do food logs, I end up with pie charts, and graphs... uh... yeah, so I dont do food logs anymore. Exchanges are much easier and less obsessive.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:56 pm 
exploring my potential!

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Epiphanies are what got me out of my bulimic hell in the first place. There are so many that are related to breaking the b/p cycle and have all occurred in the last few months.

It clicked for me that this business that I was doing everyday was not going to just go away when I got older.
Also, what if I were to have kids, there is no way that that would be possible if I were treating myself that way.
And another epiphany that I must continue to focus on is that I want to go to a demanding grad school in the future and need to find another way of dealing with stress because I know there will be a lot of it.
________
MARY JANE


Last edited by laura on Sun Feb 27, 2011 10:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 7:10 am 
orange goddess
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Now is the time to do something about it. There is no other, more important, more appropriate, "better" time to make a change than right frickin' now.

Perhaps a "duh" epiphany, but hey. Light dawns on marble skull...

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