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 Post subject: The Accountability Thread *PLEASE READ THE FIRST POST*
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:16 am 
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Okay, I've been pondering this for awhile, and I'm currently throwing this out for debate because I can see this turning into a both a positive and a negative thing.

What does everyone think about having a thread here where you can post when you're struggling not to purge, restrict, binge, SI, exercise, or to make that F*#&(*# appointment, be honest with your therapist, tell someone close to you something, or to just do the goddamn dishes, and have US as a community hold you to that?

I know some people have others they can text/call to hold them accountable to something, but a lot of people don't have that.

I like this idea because when you choose to post in the thread, you are holding yourself accountable, in a way, because you know we're going to ask... We had something like this in IOP - in our last group of the night, if someone was struggling with something, we would ask if we could check in the morning to see how it went, and I know it helped me not to do something when I knew I was going to be checked on in the morning.

I can see this turning into more of a baby-sitting type of thread, so what could we do to make sure that's not what happens?

We all need to own our recovery, but I know it definitely helps if you know that someone is going to ask if you did something you said you were going to do.

I'll shut up now. Thoughts?


ETA:

These are the rules/guidelines for posting in this thread. PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU POST!

1) This thread can be used as a cross between the "I Need Redirection" thread and the "Double Dare" thread (Frances' words). In other words, by writing in here you are committing to an action, but also asking for support in doing so.

2) To prevent this from becoming a "baby-sitting" thread, ie us pestering you "So?!?!?! Did you do it?! Did you do it?!? Go do it if you haven't!" we need some concrete guidelines. I like Frances' idea in that each person kinda writes it in this format:

Quote:
So for example, if I said that I wanted an accountability partner in my aim to tell my friend about my eating disorder, I could say;
What: I want to tell my friend about my ED, how long it's been going on, and how I am now.
When: I am meeting up with her for lunch on Friday.
How: I will wait for an appropriate moment, and then do it!

Then whoever agrees to be my partner could, for example, ask me to update on Friday evening to see how it went, and give a bit of support/congratulations/advice in response, to conclude the attempt. If I didn't update on Friday they could comment to ask how it was, but then it's up to the person to reply. And once the attempt has been done that's that particular partnership finished (as it's based around the finished attempt). They could pair up again of they wished of course - I just wanted to stress that it wouldn't be binding in anyway.


3) This thread CANNOT become a "rescue me/cry for help" kind of thread, and everyone needs to remember that they own their recovery and it is NOT anyone else's responsibility to save them.

4) You have to be serious about what you're proposing to do, or why bother posting?

5) I like what Rache said:

Quote:
Post here to have support and someone to be accountable to: respond to suggestions, TRY suggestions, and don't duck out, or at least challenge yourself not to. That work?


6) I also like this:
Quote:
What I mean is, if someone posts, "I'm never going to purge again.", That's too macro for this. I think emphasis needs to be made on recovering day by day and making a realistic plan to follow through (when appropriate of course). I think challenging people to figure out the how on their might help to reduce the babysitter issue


7) We have a group of people to "moderate" this thread.

I think the point of this thread, or at least the intention I had when I started it, is that YOU are taking action towards a specific goal, by saying what, when, and how, and we're just here to support you so it's more difficult to back out of it. You have to be serious about what you're posting, though.

I think I was thinking of the "What are you going to do for you recovery today?" thread too - I often wonder how many times people actually follow through with what they said they were going to do, because I know I often don't... There are a lot of great intentions in that thread but I think it's so easy to forget to do what we said we were going to do.

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It will always be there, sitting between you and the incredible life that is waiting on the other side. So I guess it's up to you when you want to deal with it, how many years you think is enough of a sacrifice, how much life you are willing to lose.


Last edited by sparrows on Sat Jul 09, 2011 1:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:59 am 
orange wonder
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I think it's a good idea, as it's a way to get some support without putting anyone in particular under pressure. Count me in :D
For example, I'd be very reluctant to ring someone up in the middle of the night, but given that we have so many people from so many timezones here, it's very likely someone will be there.
Though it seems to me that we already have something similar, namely the I-need-redirection thread... But this could work very well as some sort of crisis hotline.
I know from therapists that patients rarely exploit them or their emergency contacts, but I don't know how to prevent it if it were to happen. Perhaps we could set some guidelines about how to describe concrete thoughts and actions or about how to be constructive. Also, I think that respondents should try and set their boundaries - something many of us should practice anyway ;).

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Last edited by faustinchen on Tue Jul 05, 2011 2:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:45 am 
orange goddess
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I like this idea! Maybe it could work a little bit like a cross between a double dare thread and the I need redirection thread - someone could ask for an accountability partner for a particular task, and someone then replies saying that they'll remember they're doing it. If it was all kept pretty much in the thread it could be easier to make sure that it didn't become a babysitting-type thing, and I also think that the person needing support should said out what, when and how they're going to do it - that way, the 'partner' avoids having to get too in-depth with asking about tihs, and can (for example) check or ask the person to update them after they've tried it. So for example, if I said that I wanted an accountability partner in my aim to tell my friend about my eating disorder, I could say;
What: I want to tell my friend about my ED, how long it's been going on, and how I am now.
When: I am meeting up with her for lunch on Friday.
How: I will wait for an appropriate moment, and then do it!

Then whoever agrees to be my partner could, for example, ask me to update on Friday evening to see how it went, and give a bit of support/congratulations/advice in response, to conclude the attempt. If I didn't update on Friday they could comment to ask how it was, but then it's up to the person to reply. And once the attempt has been done that's that particular partnership finished (as it's based around the finished attempt). They could pair up again of they wished of course - I just wanted to stress that it wouldn't be binding in anyway.
What does everyone else think?

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look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 10:08 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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I like this idea, especially as I am fortunarte enough to have a non-disordered friend who I can text and I have asked them to contact me in 30mins to make sure I've eaten, and then they will sporadically over the few days afterwards contact me to see how I'm doing
But as you have all said, this can't turn into 'babysitting' or people abandoning their own recovery attempts in order to help others
And honestly, if you are not going to go through with something, don't use this thread and make people check in on you
I definitely be willing to participate, as I think in conjunction with the 'I need redirection thread' this could be helpful

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:09 am 
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This strikes me as a good idea as long as it doesn't become "babysitting" - that is, if someone chooses to tell someone else something challenging, that it is taken (within reason) as considered support and not attack - and also as long as it doesn't become a dumping ground for something we know we should do but don't follow up on.

Perhaps if a certain goal is thrown out and then the responses are not in good faith pursued we should ... what ... ? Maybe that's not the best way to think about it - maybe we can just ask that people not do that. Post here to have support and someone to be accountable to: respond to suggestions, TRY suggestions, and don't duck out, or at least challenge yourself not to. That work?

Great idea, Emma.

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 2:35 am 
orange wonder
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wickedrache wrote:
Perhaps if a certain goal is thrown out and then the responses are not in good faith pursued we should ... what ... ? Maybe that's not the best way to think about it - maybe we can just ask that people not do that.


Agreed! :smile:

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 8:42 am 
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I like the idea and I agree with the aforementioned boundaries. I know I would participate if needed since I barely have anyone in my life who hold me accountable besides my team.

Something to consider might be a sticky or first post kind of guideline. I also think that something needs to be said to try to keep things grounded. (Just woke up. Can't find better words.) What I mean is, if someone posts, "I'm never going to purge again.", That's too macro for this. I think emphasis needs to be made on recovering day by day and making a realistic plan to follow through (when appropriate of course). I think challenging people to figure out the how on their might help to reduce the babysitter issue.

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Last edited by LWap on Tue Jul 05, 2011 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 12:11 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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MissNat wrote:
I like this idea, especially as I am fortunarte enough to have a non-disordered friend who I can text and I have asked them to contact me in 30mins to make sure I've eaten, and then they will sporadically over the few days afterwards contact me to see how I'm doing
But as you have all said, this can't turn into 'babysitting' or people abandoning their own recovery attempts in order to help others
And honestly, if you are not going to go through with something, don't use this thread and make people check in on you
I definitely be willing to participate, as I think in conjunction with the 'I need redirection thread' this could be helpful

This exactly.

I'm loving this idea Emma!

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:33 pm 
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Holla oranges :)

I'm so glad you guys are on board with this. So here's my proposal (gathered from all of your input) for this thread:

1) This thread could be used as a cross between the "I Need Redirection" thread and the "Double Dare" thread (Frances' words). In other words, by writing in here you are committing to an action, but also asking for support in doing so.

2) To prevent this from becoming a "baby-sitting" thread, ie us pestering you "So?!?!?! Did you do it?! Did you do it?!? Go do it if you haven't!" we need some concrete guidelines. I like Frances' idea in that each person kinda writes it in this format:

Quote:
So for example, if I said that I wanted an accountability partner in my aim to tell my friend about my eating disorder, I could say;
What: I want to tell my friend about my ED, how long it's been going on, and how I am now.
When: I am meeting up with her for lunch on Friday.
How: I will wait for an appropriate moment, and then do it!

Then whoever agrees to be my partner could, for example, ask me to update on Friday evening to see how it went, and give a bit of support/congratulations/advice in response, to conclude the attempt. If I didn't update on Friday they could comment to ask how it was, but then it's up to the person to reply. And once the attempt has been done that's that particular partnership finished (as it's based around the finished attempt). They could pair up again of they wished of course - I just wanted to stress that it wouldn't be binding in anyway.


I don't know how we should do the follow-up -- does one person want to "assign" themselves to one person/action, or should it be more of a collective thing? And how should the follow-up work, exactly?

3) This thread CANNOT become a "rescue me/cry for help" kind of thread, and everyone needs to remember that they own their recovery and it is NOT anyone else's responsibility to save them.

4) You have to be serious about what you're proposing to do, or why bother posting?

5) I like what Rache said:

Quote:
Post here to have support and someone to be accountable to: respond to suggestions, TRY suggestions, and don't duck out, or at least challenge yourself not to. That work?


6) I also like this:
Quote:
What I mean is, if someone posts, "I'm never going to purge again.", That's too macro for this. I think emphasis needs to be made on recovering day by day and making a realistic plan to follow through (when appropriate of course). I think challenging people to figure out the how on their might help to reduce the babysitter issue


I think the point of this thread, or at least the intention I had when I started it, is that YOU are taking action towards a specific goal, by saying what, when, and how, and we're just here to support you so it's more difficult to back out of it. You have to be serious about what you're posting, though.

I think I was thinking of the "What are you going to do for you recovery today?" thread too - I often wonder how many times people actually follow through with what they said they were going to do, because I know I often don't... There are a lot of great intentions in that thread but I think it's so easy to forget to do what we said we were going to do.

Sorry if this is incoherent/ rambling on, I'm tired!

_________________
Kizzi wrote:
It will always be there, sitting between you and the incredible life that is waiting on the other side. So I guess it's up to you when you want to deal with it, how many years you think is enough of a sacrifice, how much life you are willing to lose.


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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:45 pm 
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Ahhh, I wrote out a whole reply then leant on my keyboard and erased it *facepalm*

What I was trying to say was... you aren't rambling, it's a great idea and i'm backing it up 100%! As you say, as long as it dosn't turn into a babysitting thread and people discuss things they are genuinly willing to follow through on, then it'll be fantastic. Although i'm sure at first people may test the water, possibly try push the boundaries a bit, but in time and with appropriate guidelines in place i'm sure it'll work out to be a really helpful thread! I love this idea, Emma ^^

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:50 pm 
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I really like using Frances' template- the what, when, how kind of thing to ensure that there is (to be blunt) a point to everyone's posts
And also should we support each other collectively? Just thinking that that way it won't put so much pressure on individuals

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:55 pm 
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Good question, I was thinking the same thing. I think it should be a collective thing, that way it doesn't put pressure on an individual to check in...

I'm not sure how to go about it to be honest. It's kind of a group responsibility - I know I'll check in 'cause it's my thread and I like this idea a lot, but others... I don't know.

Hmm...?

_________________
Kizzi wrote:
It will always be there, sitting between you and the incredible life that is waiting on the other side. So I guess it's up to you when you want to deal with it, how many years you think is enough of a sacrifice, how much life you are willing to lose.


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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:00 pm 
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Ok
Maybe we should have a few people who kind of make a commitment to check in on a regular basis and to be like a core team for this
And then of course anyone else who wants to as well- we obviously wants as many as possible willing to provide support etc :)

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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:01 pm 
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We can try that for now, and see how it works out. We can always change it if necessary!!!

What does everyone else think of this?

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Kizzi wrote:
It will always be there, sitting between you and the incredible life that is waiting on the other side. So I guess it's up to you when you want to deal with it, how many years you think is enough of a sacrifice, how much life you are willing to lose.


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 Post subject: Re: The Accountability Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:10 am 
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I'm a big fan of this since I'm lacking support ATM and could use some accountability if needed.

Emma, I think your ground rules are excellent and do a great job of outlining how to utilize this thread. Nat, I love your idea about having a core group of people checking in. I would love to be a part of that.

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