Last visit was: It is currently Wed Apr 08, 2020 9:41 pm


All times are UTC - 4 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 482 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 33  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Stories can't hurt you! - PLEASE READ THE VERY 1ST POST!!!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 6:53 am 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
ATTENTION FOLKS OF THE ORANGE: THIS FIRST POST HAS BEEN EDITED (as of the 7th of January 2011) TO INCLUDE ALL IMPORTANT THEORETICAL POINTS THAT HAD PREVIOUSLY BEEN INTERSPERSED THROUGHOUT THE THREAD, HOPEFULLY MAKING SAID INFORMATION MORE ACCESSIBLE.

Hi there lovelies :smile:

As part of my recovery efforts, I was encouraged to read the book 'The Happiness Trap', by Dr Russ Harris. Reading this book not only changed the way through which I experienced my world, but also how I approached my recovery. It is based on ACT, (acceptance and committment therapy,) and today I thought I'd share one of ACT's strategies that I have found particularly useful. It is called "NAMING YOUR STORIES".

In his book, Dr Harris condenses all the stuff that could be contrued as our 'internal experience' into three categories:
1. Thoughts = words inside our heads
2. Images = pictures inside our heads
3. Sensations = feelings inside our bodies

That established, Dr Harris goes on to point out that all too often we react to our thoughts (words inside our heads) as if they were the absolute truth, or as if we must give them all our attention. He calls this habit of the human condition, COGNITIVE FUSION.

Cognitive fusion means that the thought and the thing it refers to - the story and the event - become blended. In this state, it seems as if:
1. Thoughts are reality - as if what we're thinking were actually happening.
2. Thoughts are the truth - we completely believe them.
3. Thoughts are important - we take them seriously and give them our full attention.
4. Thoughts are orders - we automatically obey them.
5. Thoughts are wise - we assume they know best and we follow their advice.

Most people with an ed are in a tragic, and even dangerous, state of cognitive fusion. They believe everything their mind tells them, as if it were the gospel truth.

The goal of ACT is DEFUSION, which is the OPPOSITE state of cognitive fusion.

In a state of DEFUSION, we recognise:
1. Thoughts are merely sounds, words, stories or bits of language.
2. Thoughts may or may not be true; we don't automatically believe them.
3. Thoughts may or may not be important; we pay attention only if they're helpful.
4. Thoughts are definitely not orders; we certainly don't have to obey them.
5. Thoughts may or may not be wise; we don't automatically follow their advice.
6. Thoughts are never threats; even the most negative of thoughts is not deeply disturbing or frightening.

Kinda cool, hey :) I remember the very moment when I first realised that the thought 'you're fat' was just that, a thought. It couldn't hurt me unless I 'fused' with it. It couldn't hurt me unless I LET it.

So! Onto the "naming your stories" strategy for defusion. With this strategy, you identify your mind's favourite stories, then give them names, such as the 'loser!' story, or the 'my life sucks!' story. Often there will be several variations on a theme. For instance, the 'nobody likes me story' may show up as 'I'm boring', the 'I'm undesirable' story may show up as 'I'm fat', and the 'I'm inadequate' story as 'I'm stupid'.

When your stories show up, acknowledge them by name. For example, you could say to yourself, 'Ah yes. I recognise this. That old favourite, the 'I'm a failure' story.' Or 'Aha! Here comes the 'I can't cope' story.'

Once you've acknowledged a story, that's it - just let it be. You don't have to challenge it or push it away, nor do you have to give it much attention. Simply let it come and go as it pleases, while you channel your energy into doing something you value.

It is this approach that separates ACT from older therapies, such as CBT, which actually encourages people to challenge their unhelpful thoughts. ACT doesn't believe in wasting any more time and energy in fighting against old stories. It encourages people to think of unhelpful thoughts/stories as listening to the radio as background noise as you go about your daily activities; you are generally aware that it is going on in the background, but you choose to focus on the more important tasks at hand - your moment-by-moment LIFE.

So now we've learnt the "naming your stories" strategy, it's time to put it into action. I've gone through some of my old journals and shall share some of my personal 'stories' that I have identified and struggled with at one time or another:

-The 'you're fat' story (sound familiar?!)
-The 'you're not sick enough' story
-The 'calories are important' story
-The 'recovery is too hard, you're never going to get there' story
-The 'without anorexia, you aren't special' story
-The 'this will be the very last time' story
-The 'you're not accomplished' story
-The 'if you get better you will have no excuse not to be perfect' story
-The 'you're so dumb' story
-The 'you're selfish' story
-The 'if it's not perfect, you fail' story
-The 'you're just not good enough' story
-The 'you're lazy' story
-The 'you're expanding by the second' story
-The 'binging will make you feel better' story
-The 'everyone is watching you while you eat and thinks you're a pig' story
-The 'the drs won't believe you unless you have a certain BMI' story
-The 'you're marks are not exceptional, therefore you are a disgusting person' story
-The 'you should feel guilty for being human' story
-The 'I hate feeling full' story
-The 'sure I want to get better, but I don't have to do it right this second...' story
-The 'it's so easy; just don't eat!' story
-The 'just one more harmless little week' story
-The 'you're so close' story
-The 'but you can survive on so little; you don't really NEED all that food!' story
-The 'you don't even LIKE eating' story
-The 'weight gain is embarrassing' story

And that is only the beginning lol!

I'm willing to bet that there are more than a few of you out there who can identify with some of my stories. My challenge for each of you is to post one of YOUR OWN sticky stories that are keeping you in 'eating disorder land'; post it, put it out there for the universe to see and realise that they really ARE just words; a combination of silly little letters that can't make you do a damn thing. Liberate yourself from your stories by naming them.

And please feel free to ask questions as there is far more to ACT than this very quick crash course!

:x

(Note: On the off chance that Dr Russ Harris happens to be reading this, I apologise profusely for the blatant plagiarizing of your book. I think you're wonderful and would of course appreciate you not suing me! Cheers.)
_____________________________________________________________

A couple more notes on DEFUSION as I can imagine it's an extremely foreign concept for many

How two of the main schools of therapy deal with the thought, 'you're fat':

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) = challenging thoughts eg: 'No, actually, you're not not fat at all, in fact, your BMI is within a healthy range and you are therefore healthy.'

ACT (acceptance and committment therapy) = defusing from thoughts eg: 'Oh, that's the "you're fat" story again how original! I'm just going to accept that my mind is infinitely creative and will forever and always be throwing little curve-balls like this at me. But in the meantime, I'm going to gently divert my attention away from it and into something that gives me a sense of joy and vitality.'

Can you spot the difference?

This might be a good place to mention that both CBT and ACT have a very valid place in the treatment of eating disorders. However, recent studies have shown that ACT is far more beneficial for sufferers of anorexia nervosa, as CBT very often leads patients to become MORE fused with their unhelpful, obsessive thoughts. For bulima nervosa, on the other hand, CBT is still considered the gold class standard of treatment. For a diagnosis of EDNOS, the jury is still out, and research tentatively suggests a combination of the two therapies could be helpful. The fact that choice of treatment for EDNOS is still so vague may well reflect its obsure diagnostic criteria.

Haha and enough for the psychology lesson!

Now I'm going to plagiarise just a little bit more out of Dr Harris' 'The Happiness Trap' as I don't think I've been 100% clear as to exactly what DEFUSION entails:

Defusion is not some clever way to control your feelings. It's simply an acceptance technique. - Note the difference here between ACT and CBT - CBT tells us to challenge a thought: 'No, of course you're not fat!', which, as I'm sure many of you can relate to, can very well stir up a lot of opposition in your mind: 'Um, dude, fairly sure YOU ARE! Just check out the size of your bum! It doesn't matter what you're BMI is; just look in the bloody mirror!' And so it continues, you are constantly battling with this thought, trying to sit on it, squish it, do what ever you can to control it, and yet meanwhile, you find yourself getting tired, exhausted, in fact. You are not living your life, you are living a losing battle in your head. Did you happen to notice the bird singing outside your window while you were busy trying to deflate that thought? Probably not. This is exactly where ACT shines; it gives us the tools to stop fighting a losing battle with our thoughts and start concentrating on quality of life.

And back to plagiarising:

True, defusing unhelpful thoughts will often reduce feelings of anxiety, but that's just a beneficial byproduct; a bonus - it's not the main thing. If you try to use defusion to CONTROL anxiety - or any unpleasant feeling, for that matter - sooner or later you'll end up frustrated. - Do you understand what Dr Harris is trying to explain here? The key to not struggling anymore is ACCEPTANCE, NOT CONTROL. You can't control your thoughts. It's impossible, I'm sorry, but it truly is. You can't truly control your emotions either. So the moral to the story is, if thoughts and emotions can't hurt us, then why bother trying (and ultimately, failing,) to control them? It really is just a bloody lot of wasted effort, isn't it?

More plagiarising:

But what if you've defused a thought and it's still there? Again, defusion isn't about getting rid of thoughts. It's about seeing them for what they really are and making peace with them; allowing them to be there without fighting them. Sometimes they will go away with very little fuss, other times they will hang around for quite a while, and sometimes they'll go away and come back again. The point is, once you allow them to be there without a struggle, you can put your energy and attention into activities you value (maybe have a listen to that bird outside your window?)

But if you expect that defusing your thoughts will make them go away, you're setting yourself up for disappointment; you're falling back into the agenda of control - the happiness trap. The aim is to accept your thoughts, not to get rid of them.

And remember, you don't have to like a thought in order to accept it. You can accept it purely out of pragmatism: the thought is already there whether you like it or not, and struggling with it just takes up your time and energy without any long term benefit. Acceptance frees up your energy for life-enhancing activities.
_____________________________________________________________

I just wanted to mention that, today, whilst reading an Acceptance and Committment Therapy workbook designed specifically for anorexia, I came across a concept I absolutely loved. The authors referred to what they called the "monkey mind"; this is the part of our mind that throws thoughts at us as thick and as fast as it possibly can. I don't know about everyone else, but I can just SO relate to the idea of my unhelpful thoughts being MONKEYS; screeching and hollering and bouncing about everywhere I found it SUCH a helpful defusion technique today, to visualise my unhelpful, anorexic thoughts (or stories) as manic little monkeys, hurdling about my head, frenziedly trying to get my attention, whilst I took a calm step back, had a bit of a giggle, and got on with my day IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD, rather than in my head.

Of course, the temptation was there to PLAY with these little monkeys, to try and calm them down, or even join in in their hysterical exploits, but instead, I just observed......I promise, it is FAR less mentally/emotionally exhausting than getting involved

***In terms of the 'thoughts as monkeys' analogy; I was just thinking to myself that the use of DEFUSION is kind of like putting up a big glass wall between you and the monkeys. To clarify; when you choose to BELIEVE your thoughts, avoid, challenge them, whatever, you are in a room, physically PLAYING with your monkeys. But as soon as you bring defusion into the equation, a big glass wall slams down between you and them, and although you can still see and hear the monkeys on the other side, they no longer have any power over you, nor do they have the ability to hurt you in any way.
_____________________________________________________________

Try repeating this to yourself: 'I am hearing the "you're not sick" story. It is just a thought. Thoughts are not facts. Thoughts only have power over me if I choose to engage and fuse with them. I am, therefore, going to take a deep breath and take a calm step AWAY FROM THE THOUGHT. With each deep breath, I am creating mental SPACE/a distance from which I can curiously OBSERVE this thought, whilst being mindful of not engaging in it. Concentrating on my breathing = space. I will never be able to control my thoughts, but I can see them for what they are; manic little monkeys, words, letters and funny little squiggles. I am not my thoughts. And because I can understand this, I am going to go and nourish my body RIGHT THIS SECOND. Because I understand that action comes before a change in thinking. And all I need to do is be willing, and I am.'
_____________________________________________________________

Reminder to one and all:

Do not fall into the trap of believing your thoughts define you; you are NOT them, you are your ACTIONS, and, fortunately, you most definitely have control over what you do with your hands, feet and mouth.
_____________________________________________________________

The story is not the Event

Imagine that a police officer catches an armed bank robber in a dramatic shoot-out. The next day we read about it in the newspapers. But whether the story is totally accurate or false and misleading, it's still just a story. And when we read that story, we aren't actually present at the event. There is no shooting actually taking place before out eyes; all we have in front of us are words. The only people who can truly experience this event are those who are present when it happens: the 'eyewitnesses'. No matter how much detail there is in the description, the story is not the event.

Of course, we know that the newspaper stories are biased. They don't give us the absolute truth; they give us an angle on what happened, which reflects the editorial viewpoint and attitude of the newspaper. (And let's face it, some newspapers are far more sensationalistic than others.) We also know that at any point we wish, we can stop reading. If we're not getting anything useful out of the story, we can put down the newspaper and walk outside.

Now, this may be obvious when it comes to stories in newspapers, but it's not nearly so obvious when it comes to the stories in our minds. All too often we react to our thoughts as if they are the absolute truth, or as if we must give them all our attention. The psychological jargon for this reaction is cognitive defusion.

Whether or not a Thought Needs to be Defused

You can waste a lot of time trying to decide whether your thoughts are actually true; again and again your mind will try to suck you into that debate. But although in some instances this can be important, the vast majority of the time it is totally irrelevant. What's more, it wastes a lot of energy!

So when troublesome thoughts pop into your head, it may be useful to ask yourself one or more of the following questions:

-Is this thought in any way useful or helpful?
-Is this an old thought? Have I heard this one before? Do I gain anything useful from listening to it again?
-Does this thought help me take effective action to improve my life?
-What would I get for believing this thought?
-Does it help me to be the person I want to be?
-Does it help me to build the sort of relationships I'd like?
-Does it help me to connect with what I truly value?
-Does it help me to make the most of my life as it is in this moment?
-Does it help me to take effective action to change my life for the better?
-Does it help me, in the long term, to create a rich, full and meaningful life?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then the thought is helpful. If the answer to all of them is no, then it's probably not helpful - ie DEFUSION (ie story) TIME!
_____________________________________________________________

^Continuing from the previous post (ie paraphrased from 'The Happiness Trap'):

The Stories Never Stop

The mind never stops telling stories. It is constantly comparing, judging, criticising, planning, pontificating and fantasising. And many of the stories it tells are great attention grabbers. Time and time again we get lost in these stories. We speak of 'indulging a thought', 'entertaining a thought', 'struggling with a thought', 'flirting with a thought', 'buying into a thought', 'being wrapped up in thoughts', 'lost in thought' and being 'carried away by thoughts, to name but a few.

All these expressions point to how thoughts occupy our time, energy and attention. Most of the time we tend to take our thoughts far too seriously and give them far too much attention.

Thanking Your Mind

When your mind starts coming up with those same old stories, simply thank it. You could say to yourself (silently) things like, 'Thank-you, Mind! How very informative!' or 'Thanks for sharing!', or 'Is that right? How fascinating!' or simply, 'Thanks mind!'

When thanking your mind, don't do it sarcastically or aggressively. Do it with warmth and humour, and with a genuine appreciation for the amazing ability of your mind to produce a never-ending stream of thoughts. (You could also combine this technique with Naming the Story: 'Ah yes, the 'I'm fat' story. Thanks so much, mind!')

Note: Defusion is the very opposite of a control strategy; it's an acceptance strategy. In ACT, rather than attempting to change, avoid or get rid of unpleasant thoughts and feelings, our aim is to accept them.

Acceptance doesn't make you have to like your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings; it just means you stop struggling with them. When you stop wasting your energy on trying to change, avoid or get rid of them, you can put that energy into something more useful instead.

Furthermore, acceptance does not mean 'putting up with' or resigning yourself to anything. Acceptance is about embracing life, not merely tolerating it. Acceptance literally means 'taking what is offered'. It doesn't mean giving up or admitting defeat; it doesn't mean just gritting your teeth and bearing it. It means fully opening yourself to your present reality - acknowledging how it is, right here and now, and letting go of the struggle with life as it is in this moment.
_____________________________________________________________

There is no 'trick' to being able to act in spite of your thoughts. As impossible as your mind will tell you it is, it's actually very simple; you clarify and reconnect with your values, ie: 'I want my life to be meaningful and full, therefore it is important to me to nuture my physical and health.' You then determine a behaviour that is in line with this value, ie eat a wonderfully nutritious breakfast this morning for example, then, despite whatever crazy stories are going through your head, you move you hands, feet and mouth in whatever direction you need to to accomplish this valued action. One foot in front of the other, one mouthful at a time. Your don't even have to disagree with the disordered thoughts in your head at the time, you just have to be willing to acknowledge that they are not in line with your true values, therefore you choose not to engage in them and to control what you most definitely have control over; your behaviour.
_____________________________________________________________

An example of DEFUSION for those who are unclear: (I carry this around on a card in my wallet )

Thoughts can't hurt me. Nor can they make me DO anything I don’t want to do. They are just language, silly little squiggles whirling manically about in my head; boring, tiresome and unoriginal, made up of words, made up of letters, made up of who the FUCK cares anyway? They aren't objective, they aren't the truth, and they certainly aren't my reality unless, of course, I decide to LET them be. I have a choice here. Repeating: I HAVE A CHOICE! STICKY STORIES; they are just that. Trivial bits of fluff, right? Electrical impulses pinging mechanically through my synapses. Chemical messages proceeding down a worn neural path. Unhelpful thoughts are NOT commands; they are eating-disordered brain-farts trying to give me the age-old head-fuck. I will NOT allow myself to be manipulated. I will NOT be controlled by my thoughts!

Or you could simply say "Thanks mind!" :)
_____________________________________________________________

Defusion is about challenging thoughts, ie words in our heads, as a psychological phenomenon; recognising that thoughts aren't necessarily valid, diplomatic or true, just bits of random neurological fluff. What we are challenging here is the NATURE of thoughts, their form. What defusion is NOT about is challenging the CONTENT of our unhelpful thoughts, what is IN them. Why bother engaging a "you're fat" story when it's just that, a silly story? It's much less exhausting to take a step back, observe the thought, then refocus your attention on moving your life in a valued direction.
_____________________________________________________________

Am currently reading "The Confidence Gap" (Dr Russ Harris' new book - GO! BUY IT NOW!!!) and he shares some very common stories that get in the way of acting in line with our values. I thought I'd share them as so many of them I can relate to...:

- I've got no motivation
- I've got no discipline
- I've got no willpower
- I'm too busy
- I'm too tired
- I don't have time
- I don't have the energy
- I'll start next week
- I'll fail
- It's a waste of time
- I'll make a fool of myself
- I don't have what it takes
- I'm not ready
- It's too hard
- I need more practice
- I need to read more books about it
- I need more equipment
- Other people don't have to go through this
- It shouldn't be so difficult
- I'm too anxious
- Every time I've tried to change I've always failed so why should it be any different this time?

QUESTIONS: Have you heard any of the above stories of late? Were you able to observe or defuse from them, or did you have the experience of BEING them, of believing them as if they were commands, as fusing with them?

Note: there is no shame in realising that you have been fused with unhelpful thoughts/stories - embracing this awareness means you are ALREADY on your journey to mastering defusion. In fact, fusion with the thinking mind in Western society is the norm, could almost be considered a disease - therefore you are a product of your environment; certainly not defective!!!
_______________________________________________________________

Taken from: http://www.get.gg/defusion.htm

Defusing Techniques

Defusing involves seeing thoughts and feelings for what they are (streams of words, passing sensations), not what they say they are (dangers or facts).

 STOP, STEP BACK, OBSERVE (the thoughts and feelings, what’s happening to/for the other person).

 Notice what’s happening – your thoughts, physical sensations, emotions, images, memories. Notice the way you’re interpreting what they mean, and how that’s affecting you.

 Notice the unhelpful thoughts. What am I reacting to? Perhaps say the thoughts very slowly, or very quickly, in a squeaky or comic voice, or write them down.

 Identify the emotion you’re feeling, and label the unhelpful thoughts
o an evaluation
o a prediction
o a feeling or sensation
o a memory
o an unhelpful thinking habit: mind-reading (believing we know or what others are thinking), negative filter (only noticing the bad stuff), emotional reasoning (I feel bad so it must be bad), catastrophising (imagining the worst), the internal critic etc.

 Learn more and practice mindfulness so that you can be aware of when you are in the present moment rather than being ‘in your head’ - perhaps the past or future. Notice what you don’t normally notice – sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts, textures etc.

 Use metaphors try to see things differently. For example:
Passengers on the Bus
You can be in the driving seat, whilst all the passengers (thoughts) are being critical or shouting directions. You can allow them to shout, whilst focusing on the road ahead.

Playground Bully (our thoughts can be our own internal bully)
Victim 1 – believes the bully, distressed, reacts automatically (bully carries on)
Victim 2 – challenges the bully (bully eventually gives up)
Victim 3 – acknowledges then ignores the bully, changing focus of attention.

The River
Items floating down the river – perhaps leaves or bits of mucky debris (thoughts, feelings, images) – instead of struggling to float, we can stand on the bank watching it all go by

The Beach Ball
We try to stop thoughts – we hold the ball under water, but it keeps popping up (thoughts). We can allow the ball to float around us, just letting it be.

Thought train
We can sit on the train, watching the scenery (thoughts, images, sensations) go by, or stand on the platform watching the thought train pass by – we don’t have to jump on it.

The Tunnel
When we get anxious driving through a tunnel, the best option is to keep going rather than try to escape. This feeling will pass – there is an end to this tunnel.

The Mountain
Whatever the weather, or whatever happens on the surface of the mountain – the mountain stands firm, strong, grounded, permanent. We can be like that mountain, observing thoughts, feelings, sensations, knowing inner stillness.

Vivyan 2009, Adapted from Ciarrochi & Bailey 2008


Last edited by Kizzi on Mon Apr 11, 2011 8:54 pm, edited 9 times in total.

Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject: wow!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:19 am 
i love orange

Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 11:12 am
Posts: 75
Location: Caistor Centre
Oh wow,

This entry is amazing.....Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. I plan on sitting and considering my own true stories (though alot I feel will be similar to your own)....as well I am going to look into that book....its sounds truly helpful and beneficial to where I stand at this time in my recovery!!

Thanks so much again!!!

_________________
~~ Mary ~~


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:18 pm 
power lies within

Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:02 am
Posts: 6421
love it! I put it as a sticky!

_________________
Recoveryboat.com

A recovery focused peer support eating disorder forum


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: wow!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 1:26 am 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
^Thank-you peacewithin! :D

Binkybink wrote:
Oh wow,

This entry is amazing.....Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. I plan on sitting and considering my own true stories (though alot I feel will be similar to your own)....as well I am going to look into that book....its sounds truly helpful and beneficial to where I stand at this time in my recovery!!

Thanks so much again!!!


I'm so glad you found it useful Binkybink :clap: It might be useful to know that Dr Russ Harris is an Australian, so if you're from another country and have trouble tracking it down then I'd be more than happy to help out getting it to you :)

You might also be interested in looking up publications by Steven Hayes (an American, I think) who is the founder of ACT.

Here's a website to get you started too:

http://www.actmindfully.com.au/acceptance_&_commitment_therapy

EXAMPLE

My story of the day:

The 'wouldn't it be lovely to start weight recovery with an exceptionally low BMI?' story.

How I responded (in my head lol):

Wow, how incredibly active my mind is today! However, fusing with this story would clearly NOT be in line with where I'd like my life to be headed at the moment, so I'm going to place it aside and keep on ploughing ahead in my recovery/living my life :) After all, thoughts, mere words and letters, can't make me do anything I don't want to do.


Anybody else want to have a try?


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 1:36 pm 
orange wonder
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:49 am
Posts: 4220
Location: The Rocky Mountains
Good idea, kizzi! Let me give it a whirl!

The story of the last two years...

Kyle will never find you attractive unless you drop the weight and become a cheerleader NOW.


The truth? My eating disorder turned me into a basket case which is exactly why Kyle refuses to talk to me. He didn't leave me because I'm fat. Actually we became friends at my highest weight and he loved my offbeat personality. He got angry because this illness tore us apart, not m weight. To quote "Hate Me" by Blue October, "The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again."

_________________
Don't Diet, Live It!


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 4:56 pm 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
MartyCaseyFan wrote:
Good idea, kizzi! Let me give it a whirl!

The story of the last two years...

Kyle will never find you attractive unless you drop the weight and become a cheerleader NOW.

The truth? My eating disorder turned me into a basket case which is exactly why Kyle refuses to talk to me. He didn't leave me because I'm fat. Actually we became friends at my highest weight and he loved my offbeat personality. He got angry because this illness tore us apart, not m weight. To quote "Hate Me" by Blue October, "The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again."


Yay Becky! :clap: That certainly IS a story and a half :-? I can ABSOLUTELY see how easy it would be for you to buy into and get caught up in it. And can I just add, that I really admire your willingness to give anything on this board a try? From what I've observed, you are so actively engaged in your recovery, and this really makes me smile :)

A couple more notes on DEFUSION as I can imagine it's an extremely foreign concept for many :)

How two of the main schools of therapy deal with the thought, 'you're fat':

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) = challenging thoughts eg: 'No, actually, you're not not fat at all, in fact, your BMI is within a healthy range and you are therefore healthy.'

ACT (acceptance and committment therapy) = defusing from thoughts eg: 'Oh, that's the "you're fat" story again :) how original! I'm just going to accept that my mind is infinitely creative and will forever and always be throwing little curve-balls like this at me. But in the meantime, I'm going to gently divert my attention away from it and into something that gives me a sense of joy and vitality.'

Can you spot the difference?

This might be a good place to mention that both CBT and ACT have a very valid place in the treatment of eating disorders. However, recent studies have shown that ACT is far more beneficial for sufferers of anorexia nervosa, as CBT very often leads patients to become MORE fused with their unhelpful, obsessive thoughts. For bulima nervosa, on the other hand, CBT is still considered the gold class standard of treatment. For a diagnosis of EDNOS, the jury is still out, and research tentatively suggests a combination of the two therapies could be helpful. The fact that choice of treatment for EDNOS is still so vague may well reflect its obsure diagnostic criteria.

Haha and enough for the psychology lesson!

Now I'm going to plagiarise just a little bit more out of Dr Harris' 'The Happiness Trap' as I don't think I've been 100% clear as to exactly what DEFUSION entails:

Defusion is not some clever way to control your feelings. It's simply an acceptance technique. - Note the difference here between ACT and CBT - CBT tells us to challenge a thought: 'No, of course you're not fat!', which, as I'm sure many of you can relate to, can very well stir up a lot of opposition in your mind: 'Um, dude, fairly sure YOU ARE! Just check out the size of your bum! It doesn't matter what you're BMI is; just look in the bloody mirror!' And so it continues, you are constantly battling with this thought, trying to sit on it, squish it, do what ever you can to control it, and yet meanwhile, you find yourself getting tired, exhausted, in fact. You are not living your life, you are living a losing battle in your head. Did you happen to notice the bird singing outside your window while you were busy trying to deflate that thought? Probably not. This is exactly where ACT shines; it gives us the tools to stop fighting a losing battle with our thoughts and start concentrating on quality of life.

And back to plagiarising:

True, defusing unhelpful thoughts will often reduce feelings of anxiety, but that's just a beneficial byproduct; a bonus - it's not the main thing. If you try to use defusion to CONTROL anxiety - or any unpleasant feeling, for that matter - sooner or later you'll end up frustrated. - Do you understand what Dr Harris is trying to explain here? The key to not struggling anymore is ACCEPTANCE, NOT CONTROL. You can't control your thoughts. It's impossible, I'm sorry, but it truly is. You can't truly control your emotions either. So the moral to the story is, if thoughts and emotions can't hurt us, then why bother trying (and ultimately, failing,) to control them? It really is just a bloody lot of wasted effort, isn't it?

More plagiarising:

But what if you've defused a thought and it's still there? Again, defusion isn't about getting rid of thoughts. It's about seeing them for what they really are and making peace with them; allowing them to be there without fighting them. Sometimes they will go away with very little fuss, other times they will hang around for quite a while, and sometimes they'll go away and come back again. The point is, once you allow them to be there without a struggle, you can put your energy and attention into activities you value (maybe have a listen to that bird outside your window?)

But if you expect that defusing your thoughts will make them go away, you're setting yourself up for disappointment; you're falling back into the agenda of control - the happiness trap. The aim is to accept your thoughts, not to get rid of them.

And remember, you don't have to like a thought in order to accept it. You can accept it purely out of pragmatism: the thought is already there whether you like it or not, and struggling with it just takes up your time and energy without any long term benefit. Acceptance frees up your energy for life-enhancing activities.

So! That's my ridiculously long post for the day lol :smile: I hope someone, somewhere, gets something out of it!

P.S. My story of the day: The 'but you look so lovely in all your tiny clothes!' story. Definately not buying into THAT one :)


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 6:46 pm 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
My story of the day: The 'this meal is making you fat' story.

NOT HELPFUL. Therefore I shan't give it another second's reign over my mental resources, and shall instead concentrate on choosing the hotel I'd like to stay at during our stop-over in Singapore. :)


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 11:16 pm 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
My story of the day: The 'if you eat ANYTHING you will binge, therefore you cannot eat' story.

It's been incredibly tempting to let myself buy into and become fused with this story, but I simply can't let myself; starvation is not conducive to the amazing and unlimited life I want to live, therefore I choose to promptly untangle myself from this 'story' and get on with living.

Take that anorexia. :)


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 6:37 pm 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
My story of the day: The "you're going into hospital soon anyway, so why not just let things slip a little before you go?" story.

Um, defusion time, anyone? :)


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 6:39 pm 
Kizzi, this thread is SO helpful. Thank you!


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 7:09 pm 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
^Yay you are so, so welcome Olivia!!! To be honest, I feel a bit guilty because I've been using this thread as a personal journal of sorts lately lol :oops: Although, hopefully someone out there will be able to identify with my stories and maybe realise that they aren't a slave to their mind either...... :)


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 7:11 pm 
No, please keep adding to it! I like reading your stories... if I can relate to one it's nice to see someone else counter-act it. I can then apply it to my own faulty thinking. It's really helpful so keep writing! :)


Top
  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 8:26 pm 
orange you glad?

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:41 pm
Posts: 1382
The 'I will not eat ANYTHING today, but then "binge" on random foods (i.e. vegemite, peeling an apple and only eating the skin, not the apple, sucking on the seed of a mango but not eating the actual flesh)' and feel guilty for the rest of the day' Story (The story of my life at the moment)... :ooook:


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:40 pm 
orange is a state of mind
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:30 am
Posts: 2888
Location: Florida
Story of the day: I was almost happy where I was at, much happier than I am now. Why not go back?

Um, this one is tough. Because I think that sometimes it is true lately. I dislike my body more than ever, but I am capable of more than ever so the good of recovery does outweigh the bad.


Top
Offline Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 12:21 am 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 2473
Kate: I have to admit that my mind throws this one at me too. And you know what? Even if it WERE true, (which I highly doubt it is!) it's an unhelpful thought, and therefore a perfect candidate for defusion. (Anything unhelpful, we don't waste our time with :) ) In your very next paragraph you even admitted that the good of recovery out-weighs the bad, so don't give that unhelpful story another moment of your precious time. Besides, you are so much MORE than just your body. :)

Ellen: I'm elated that you could identify that "I will not eat ANYTHING today" is a story. Oh yes, anorexia oh-so-desperately wants you to engage in this thought, but you don't have to give it anymore than a fleeting glance :) And you proved this to yourself by planning to have a vegan protein shake WOOHOO you go girl!!! :clap: I would very much encourage you to try and defuse (give yourself some space) from the "binge" part of your story too, as, from a objective perspective, some apple skin, vegemite and a mango seed isn't even enough to fuel a SNEEZE. Buying into the "binge" story is only feeding your guilt which I'm sure is not helping you to act in line with your values. Just because your head says BINGE doesn't mean it actuallly was. Am keeping you in my thoughts lovely! (The helpful ones of course lol :razz: )


Top
Offline Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 482 posts ]  Moderator: post-mods Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 33  Next

All times are UTC - 4 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Theme created StylerBB.net & kodeki