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 Post subject: Not quite bad, more like insensitive...
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 1:01 pm 
I can't post a copy here, because it is on a flier in the coffee shop i'm in right now, but there is an ad for a life-coaching seminar, and this is what it reads: [bold emphasis my own]
"When our GROWN kids disappoint us - Letting go"
life is difficult because your adult child can't or won't:
-leave home
-your adult child can't get or hold a job
-your adult child is exceedingly dependant
-your adult child can't support themselves
-your adult child is chronically depressed
-your adult child has an eating disorder
-your adult child has a problem with drugs or alcohol
-your adult child is in trouble with the law or lives outside of it
-your adult child is estranged from family and friends

To register, send him an email with the subject 'kids'

To me there are SO MANY things wrong with this...
I understand that adults need support in handling difficult situations for themselves...

but to put on a flier that parents ought to feel DISAPPOINTED in their children if they develop mental health conditions??????

That just... really bothers me. Things like that. that stigma of disappointment is why I still cannot tell any of my family/talk to my family about the fact that I am sick. The idea that disappointment ought to be associated with finding out someone is being really strong an brave and FIGHTING an eating disorder....

And then there's the whole focus on "kids" and "adult children" which I also find really unsettling...

In case I didn't say it earlier, the ad is for a life coach.

I may be a little over-sensitive at the moment, but the wording really bothered me, and I thought I'd share.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 2:22 pm 
power lies within
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I tried to give this the benefit of the doubt at first - maybe they're going to validate parents' difficult experiences and then... give them some sane feedback about it? but that the title includes both 'disappointment' and 'letting go' ... it seems to rather leave out the part about support ...?

i don't know. i'd like to believe it's not a perpetuation of stigma. it's possible.

but it bothers me, too. the emphasis is weird.

it seems like washing your hands of your children. it's weird.

“If I am not for me, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
- Rabbi Hillel

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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 2:34 pm 
orange wonder
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Location: The Rocky Mountains
My dad and stepmom play this same card on me time and time again. They've never spelled it out, but I feel like a burden to them because, surprise surprise, I fit like at least six of those descriptions.

Don't Diet, Live It!

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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 2:58 pm 

i just wish that 'help' for adults wasn't synonymous with labeling the child a disappointment and saying they aren't their problem any more.

i get that no one can take responsibility for another's actions... but there's no talk of support at all... just looking at the adult's goals and working towards them. [ostensibly those goals are getting rid of that over-grown problem child....]

i went to the guy's website to see if it was as bad as it sounds....
his grief counselling seems fine, but i really don't think he should be dealing with mental health issues/support, as he has no qualifications there, and is really just pushing the stigma...
it's disappointing to me.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 6:51 pm 
i bite back hardcore

Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:25 pm
Posts: 427
The fact that these things are all listed under things that dissapoint parents in the ad bothers me too. Mental illness already has enough stigma, we don't need professionals adding to it. I like the idea of supporting parents who have children of any age with mental illness, but the focus should be on helping the parents deal with the difficulties of supporting their child and how to best support their child.

Serenity to accept, courage to change.

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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:50 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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Location: Brisbane, Australia
I fit a fair few of those (Except the can't/wont leave home because I have moved out)

I was told by my psych that there is a high chance that we wont match our parents' expectations they had for us. Just like they may not match what we expect of them as parents. I'm sure my mother never wanted her eldest child to have an eating disorder, a drug history, be on welfare, too unwell to work (ATM), and have recurrent issues with depression. But, I don't think she'd go so far to say she's disappointed...

He's taken a sound psychological premise and taken a tactless approach to it. My mum might read that as "should I be disappointed in my (adult) child?" and then the guilt of her role in it and then guilt about thinking she's disappointed in me...

There is no "formal qualifications" for life coaching as far as I am aware...hence things like this

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? Calvin and Hobbes

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