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 Post subject: Non-Judgemental Stance
PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:08 am 
galactic orange
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Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 6:39 pm
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Location: Vancouver, BC
PRACTISING NONJUDGMENTAL STANCE

What are judgments?
• Describing things as good or bad, valuable or worthless, smart or stupid, terrible or wonderful, beautiful or ugly, etc.
• Describing how things “should” or “shouldn’t” be
• Describing by comparing or contrasting

Usefulness of judgments?
• They allow for quick descriptions by creating simple categories
• They are fast, short hand for describing preferences and consequences

Problems with judgments?

• They often distract from reality (judgments may replace facts; when we judge we often stop observing)
• They tend to feed negative emotions (anger, guilt, shame)
• Positive judgments are fragile: anything judged “good” can also be judged “bad”

Steps for letting go of judgments
1. Practice noticing judgments. Keep a count of judgments.
2. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be judging?” “Is the judging helping or hurting me?”
3. Replace judgments with:
• Statements of preference: “I like…” “I prefer…” or “I wish…”
• Statements of consequences: “This is helpful/harmful for…”, “This is effective/ineffective for…”
• Statements of fact: “This thing happened in this way, at this time…”
4. Practice accepting what is (facts, preferences, consequences) and letting go of the judgments. Let the judgments drift away.
5. Remember not to judge your judging!

Exercise for Practising Nonjudgmental Stance
1. Identify a judgment about yourself, someone else, or some situation.
2. Describe your reasons for letting go of this judgment
3. Replace the judgments with descriptions of facts, consequences, and/or your preferences about this.
4. Practice accepting the nonjudgmental descriptions and letting go of the judgments. Identify any words, actions (e.g., relaxation), body postures, or imagery that helps you let go.
5. Remember not to judge your judging!
6. Describe any changes you noticed in your acceptance or your emotions as you practised nonjudgmental stance.

_________________
“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”


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 Post subject: Re: Non-Judgemental Stance
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 6:06 pm 
post-mod squad
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Think i need to start and practice this a lot more. ..mainly about judging myself and how i perceive others judge me.

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"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself"


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 Post subject: Re: Non-Judgemental Stance
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:00 pm 
admin goddess from hell
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Posts: 12363
I wasn't sure where to post this blog, but I decided on this thread because "quitting the body police" IS about practicing non-judgmentalism, for me. No matter which side you may be on (or both, or neither), the take-away is to practice noticing and disempowering judgmentalism, whether it is about your own body and dress, or someone else's.

How do you do that? I catch myself sometimes engaging in being "the body police" and that's the first step: notice. Notice that you are judging someone on something totally external to them but intrinsic to you. I remind myself that some people disapprove of my style of dress or my hair, but it doesn't make them right about who I am as a person. So I apply the same lens to whatever person has triggered me. I look at where it comes from: fear. I am afraid of being that person, and I ask myself why. My body simply houses all the "person" - the laughter, love, intelligence, joy, pain, all of it - that is me. Think about some positives: I hope that person treats his or her body better than I treat and have treated my own, and that s/he is happier and more comfortable within themselves. One day, I hope I can be more comfortable with my own body - and I'll still dress any damn way I want!

Quote:
I’m Resigning From the Body Police
By Emma James Burke
September 17, 2013

Minor trigger warning: though this post doesn’t contain body-shaming, you may be triggered by some of the body-shaming examples used.

I need to own up to something.

When I was sixteen I went to a summer camp that was also attended by this really pretentious, rude, and attention-seeking fat girl which, in retrospect, pretty much sounds like me at that time, too. But unlike me, this girl wore short shorts, sheer midriffs, and tiny crochet tube tops. Because she read Proust and gave scathing answers to friendly questions, I decided insulting her body and clothing choices along with the other people she offended was a reasonable way to make myself feel better about how boorish and standoffish she was.

Her clothing choices made me uncomfortable. I could see her fat. It looked like mine. Her thighs were dimpled, her stomach and arms jiggled, and unlike me, she wasn’t hiding in oversized black t-shirts. She was wearing the sort of thing I can barely muster the courage to wear today because I know there are people thinking “no one wants to see that,” and that I should “dress appropriately for my body type.”

At first, I thought her clothing choices making me uncomfortable was reason enough to say cruel things about her body and clothes. I later realized this was problematic, but still thought “Oh well. She’s still awful inside, it doesn’t really matter which part I pick at.” Again, super problematic.

There was this hollow ring of “She was asking for it by wearing clothes like that” when I tried to justify the comments I made behind her back. “I don’t want to see that” was not a valid excuse. Years passed. Eventually I told myself that none of this really mattered since this girl definitely didn’t know who I was or that this had ever happened.

That was wrong of me.

It would be absurd of me to hunt down someone whose name I only half remember, and who was so unfriendly in the first place that she probably doesn’t even know who I am, much less what I said about her.

So I have to say this to her here…

I know now what you knew then: That when you get dressed in the morning, you need to do it for yourself. If I’m uncomfortable with your body, that’s my problem. You shouldn’t have to live your life according to my insecurities and internalized, homogenous standards of beauty. You deserve to think of your own needs when you wake up in the morning instead of worrying about people like me trash-talking your appearance.

I don’t know why you’re an unpleasant person inside, but frankly, given what the world – myself included – hurls at you every day, I don’t begrudge you a little misanthropy.

When I realized the enormity of my behavior a few years ago, I felt especially terrible because it dawned on me that I was a hypocrite. Who am I to preach that it’s okay to love our bodies when I’m part of the very reason most people – women in particular and certainly many trans* folks – have such issues with body image? Who am I to tell people they should find themselves beautiful when I’m standing right there judging every jiggle, scrutinizing every stretch mark and patch of cellulite, dictating how much skin is appropriate and how much cloth is frumpy?

Who am I to tell anyone they should love their bodies when I was the same person saying that those bodies were shameful? Again, a hypocrite.

Our society – through our media, discourse, fashion industry, and loads of other outlets – creates narratives on what is “normal” and erases anyone outside of that. We decide what it is about you that doesn’t fit our normative narratives on attractiveness, assume why you look or present that way, and then we dismiss your existence. I cannot, in good conscience, tell you or anyone else to be strong enough to embrace your feelings of insecurity, to move past them and find something new to love about yourself, when I’m part of the reason people don’t.

I only know of one way to be accountable for this and it’s not just by telling people to have good feelings about their bodies. You’re allowed to have bad days or weeks or years where you have less than stellar feelings about your body. Your feelings aren’t invalid just because I now want you to think you’re worthy. It was wrong of me to shame your body the way I did. It’s wrong of me to shame my body the way I sometimes still do.

It is my responsibility to stop perpetuating these lies about what’s acceptable to do with one’s body and what’s shameful.

It’s my responsibility to give you the space to cultivate self-love and not berate you if it doesn’t come easily to you. It’s not my place to tell you to work harder to find some kernel of self-worth. It’s my job to make it so that you don’t have to overcome anything – least of all my words – to do that.

What I did, even if you didn’t know about it, was reprehensible. Consider this my official resignation from the body police.

Libero Network

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Whispered words of wisdom,
Let it be.

~~ John Lennon


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 Post subject: Re: Non-Judgemental Stance
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 1:59 am 
orange is hot

Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2016 6:26 pm
Posts: 109
Location: United States
Quote:
Problems with judgments?
• They often distract from reality (judgments may replace facts; when we judge we often stop observing)
• They tend to feed negative emotions (anger, guilt, shame)
• Positive judgments are fragile: anything judged “good” can also be judged “bad”



Does point 3 of this have to do this with black or white thinking?


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 Post subject: Re: Non-Judgemental Stance
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:46 pm 
admin goddess from hell
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Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 1:10 am
Posts: 12363
Not sure, but B&W thinking certainly encourages a judgmental stance, I think.

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Whispered words of wisdom,
Let it be.

~~ John Lennon


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