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 Post subject: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 4:07 am 
admin goddess from hell
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It is not uncommon for us to make assumptions about people, events or facts (for example, "I ate too much and now I'm fat") and not have the skills to take a second, less subjective view of what happened. Maybe that group of people started laughing when you walked by because one of them just told a funny story. Maybe that person didn't talk to you at the party because she was also shy and overwhelmed. Maybe your partner's bad mood actually had nothing to do with you.

This worksheet is one way of helping you name the emotion you are applying to a "fact", and then look at what prompted the emotion and what assumptions and interpretations you may be applying to it.

Quote:
Checking the Facts

Many emotions are caused by interpretations of events, not by the events themselves.

An event can also cause an emotion that results in an interpretation.

1 What is the emotion I am experiencing?

2 What event prompted the emotion I am experiencing? Challenge Judgments, Describe facts.

3 What are my interpretations, thoughts, and assumptions about the event? Look at all sides. Test your interpretations to see if they fit the facts.

4 Am I assuming a Threat? Label the threat. Assess the probability of the threat occurring? Think of as many other outcomes as possible.

5 What is the catastrophe? List the worst possible outcome. Imagine & describe coping well.

6 Do the emotion and the intensity of my emotion fit the facts? Check facts. Use wise mind.

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 Post subject: Re: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 6:18 am 
Demi Mod
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This looks really good, I'm going to try it next time I need it.


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 Post subject: Re: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:43 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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Reminds me of the assuming people are angry at you and then jumping to the conclusion that they hate you thing I have been exploring personally.

The method here, does anyone feel that is also could have some effects in increasing anxiety and making it worse... I don't know... supression isn't a good idea either...

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 Post subject: Re: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:59 am 
galactic orange
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eniebee wrote:
The method here, does anyone feel that is also could have some effects in increasing anxiety and making it worse... I don't know... supression isn't a good idea either...


I think like any skill, you have to try it and see how and when it works for you and then use it accordingly. Certainly many skills affect people differently. (ie. a lot of relaxation skills actually increase my anxiety rather than decrease it. :-? )

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 Post subject: Re: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 2:37 am 
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The article below seemed to fall into parts of many different threads, but I decided to place it here because it really focusses on our mindsets when we make assumptions about events or other people, how we often respond to that, and some practical suggestions for ways of "checking the facts" and then, even if you believe something to still be true, a "what if" type of exercise. I think members might find this helpful in a number of situations; I know I will.

Quote:
Is Your Negative Thought Life Hijacking Thoughtfulness?
By Guest Author - Dr. Gregory Jantz
Sunday, March 17, 2013

We appreciate thoughtful people, and we aspire to be counted among them. That is, within the context of the standard definition of the word: “showing consideration for others” or “showing careful thought.” But within the context of “being occupied with thought,” in today’s anxiety-riddled society, a negative thought life can hijack the best of thoughtful intentions.

A thoughtful person thinks ahead, saying and behaving in ways most beneficial to all involved, from family and friends to colleagues and supervisors. For those with a negative thought life, however, thinking ahead most often leads to the worst-case scenario. Instead of staying focused on thoughtful things that can be done about what is, negative thinking seizes on the most negative extreme of what if.

From our home lives, to our work lives, to our social lives, we can become haunted by what if’s. What if I’m wrong? What if I make a mistake? What if I make people angry? What if I get angry? What if they stop liking me? What if they stop loving me? What if things fall apart? What if things never get better? What if this is as good as it gets?

At the core of these anxiety-driven fears are hidden assumptions we may have carried with us since childhood….

“I am not worthy.”

“I am not able.”

“I am not enough.”

“I am alone.”


These hidden assumptions lead to false belief systems that influence our behavior in ways that illustrate anything but considerate or careful thought, rather an unhealthy occupation with it:

* Personalization — accepting yourself as the epicenter of everything bad as a preemptive strike against the bad things you know are coming.

* Control — the need to control everything around you to reduce the number of and damage from the bad things.

* Perfectionism — the desire to be perfect in order to cut down on the number of bad things attributable to you.

* Dependency — using the shield of others to avoid dealing with bad things all by yourself.

* Affirmation — working for the favor of others so they’ll continue to be your shield against the bad things.

Of course, we can only endure the heightened states of these anxious behaviors for so long, before it leads to:

Stress. Eventually, the stress of anxiety takes a toll on our bodies, our negative thoughts often serving as the source of physical ailments. Long-term chronic stress is linked to health problems of the head, heart, lungs, stomach, muscles, skin, immune system, reproductive system, and body weight.

Depression. Living in a state of anxiety means heightened awareness of every thought, every feeling, every fear. We can only take so much before it becomes more than the mind, body and heart can handle, choosing instead what seems a preferable alternative — shutting down into the numbing state of depression.

Paralysis. Living with the chronic fear that the worst is bound to happen, we may avoid situations and people that trigger worst-case what if’s. Procrastination becomes our best friend, as the longer we put off the inevitable need to deal with something or someone, the longer we avoid the associated anxiety that’s just too much to take.

Self-medication. Desperate for relief from anxiety, many turn to self-medicating behaviors that distract from anxious thoughts and numb anxious feelings. These include, of course, alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs, and nicotine, but also non-chemical “medications,” including food, anger, self-harming, and hoarding.

Relational isolation, attachment, and codependency. A relationally-isolated person is one who deals with anxiety by withdrawing from the relationship, avoidance being their main coping mechanism. A relationally-attached person is just the opposite, transposing their individual anxiety onto the relationship, requiring constant reassurance that everything between them is okay. Codependency results when these two types of people come together — the avoidant, isolated person drawn to the attachment person, and vice versa.

Fortunately, there are a number of practical ways to overcome anxiety, worry, and fear, and one of the most effective means among them is learning how to objectify your thoughts:

Start out by asking, “What are the facts?” Separate objective knowledge from subjective perceptions.

Based on the facts, ask yourself “What are the odds?”

If the first two steps don’t alleviate your anxiety, ask yourself, “If this is true, what can I do?”

If and when this process fails to silence your negative thoughts, try turning down the volume. Say to yourself….

“I hear you, but you’re wrong; I have amounted to something."

“I hear you, but you’re wrong; I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”

“I hear you, but you’re wrong; I don’t have to be in control to be safe.”

So, the surest way of becoming a thoughtful person — whose thoughts and subsequent actions reflect consideration of others — is to start with considerate thoughts of yourself.

Life As A Human

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Whispered words of wisdom,
Let it be.

~~ John Lennon


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 Post subject: Re: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:48 am 
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god I just love DBT!!!!! I want to frickin marry it! makes so much sense!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Checking the facts
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 9:15 am 
orange is a state of mind

Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2011 4:44 pm
Posts: 2936
Location: Australia
This is really good and makes a lot of sense. I think my anxiety rises thinking about this because its nit familiar which is actually sad. I would be sad if someone described being thoughtful or kind to themselves as completely unfamiliar. The example “I hear you, but you’re wrong; I don’t have to be in control to be safe.” actually struck something deep within. Which is going a little off topic of the purpose of this but certainly something I need to think more about.


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