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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 2:09 am 
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Love this post! there's actually a book by Tara Brach about this.. She's a great writer. Good insightful information thanks for posting.

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 5:56 pm 
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I love this thread!!!

I need to practice this alot - a few things from the top of my head

I need to radically accept -

Full recovery means reaching my set point and staying there. I don't mind the number when I think of it, but when I 'am it' I feel differently....so I will turn my mind again, and again, and again.

Also, I need to accept that my mother let me down, and that many people have at times let me down.

I need to accept that I am not going to be a famous performer..but then who would really want to be?

I need to accept that I do love my partner, despite my reluctance, and my not feeling I deserve to be happy,,,,I accept that I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, just like everybody else.

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:38 pm 
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Shameless plug to read the first post again!

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 6:53 am 
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I love this:

Quote:
Radical acceptance
By Lisa Baker
November 20, 2013

Cutting Loose

Sometimes from sorrow, for no reason

you sing. For no reason you accept

the way of being lost, cutting loose

from all else and electing a world

where you go where you want to.

Arbitrary, a sound comes, a reminder

that a steady center is holding

all else. If you listen, that sound

will tell you where it is and you

can slide your way past trouble.

Certain twisted monsters

bar the path - but that's when

you get going best, glad to be lost,

learning how real it is

here on earth, again and again.

(William Stafford)

While trying to establish life after a divorce and relocation I walked a trail in the woods almost daily the first few months. My feet repetitively passed under ancient deep-rooted trees, climbed steep stairs up sloped stretches of the path, and lingered on a tiny bridge at a spot where the trail curved out of the shadowed woods into the sun. Every time I crossed over I reminded myself out loud that I was living in the place Melody Beattie describes as the "in-between," the place where we embrace the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and become willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for them to be filled. It's incredible to me that by accepting the “way of being lost” I could experience such a strong undercurrent of something holding it all together, the miracle of peace in a time of blinding brokenness. By accepting reality as it was, implausibly I was able to survive each painful day by putting one foot in front of the other and slowly crossing over into a place that was different from where I had been.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) calls this idea the skill of Radical Acceptance and teaches it among other skills that help clients learn to tolerate distressful emotions. When used effectively, this difficult concept actually brings the level of suffering we tend to experience when railing against reality, down to a level of pain that we can endure. It is difficult to function, change, move beyond a loss, or find some semblance of peace, without somehow accepting what is and where we are. Resistance to a painful reality often only increases our discomfort and can frequently lead to ways of coping that ultimately bring further suffering and pain. Accepting reality does not mean we have to like it or approve of it, but it somehow turns what is into something we can tolerate and allows us to ride the emotional wave of a present circumstance.

Quote:
“Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.”
~~Melody Beattie


I believe this concept of acceptance can be practiced when confronted with anything from the mildly unpleasant to the unpredictably stressful to the heart-breakingly painful. It is a skill I teach often to clients, having experienced the benefit of it in my own daily routine. The following points are important to remember about radical acceptance and are highlighted in the manual I use (based on the work of Marsha Linehan, the originator of DBT).

· Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to accept the pain
· Freedom from suffering requires acceptance of what is
· Deciding to tolerate the moment is acceptance
· Acceptance is acknowledging what is
· To accept something does not mean approving of it
· Acceptance is turning your suffering back into pain that you can endure

Sometimes it is helpful to ask clients the following questions and have them write down their experiences and ideas: What are some realities in your life that might be difficult to accept as reality? How do you fight that reality? What would it look like to accept the reality? Self-encouraging statements such as those listed below also sometimes help us to accept what is and tolerate the discomfort of a moment.

“This will pass.”
“My feelings make me feel uncomfortable, but I can accept that.”
“I can take all the time I need right now to let go and relax.”
“I’ve survived other situations like this before, and I’ll survive this one too.”
“My fear/sadness won’t kill me; it just doesn’t feel good right now”
“I’m strong and I can deal with this.”
“These are just my feelings and eventually they will go away.”
I think it’s safe to say that we are all more relieved to be finally living beyond the “in-between” places than we are “glad to be lost,” but the bridge in the woods, the path that brought us to today, is often one we would walk all over again for the lessons learned and the destination discovered.

“Sometimes from sorrow, for no reason you sing…”

theravive

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 2:06 am 
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Quote:
Radical Acceptance
Sometimes problems can't be solved.
By Karyn Hall
July 8, 2012

One of the four options you have for any problem is Radical Acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Radical acceptance is about accepting of life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is.

Imagine that you talk with an apartment manager about leasing an apartment in a popular complex that is completely full. He agrees to call you when the two-bedroom apartment is available. You wait for months, then stop by to check with him. When you arrive he is signing a lease agreement with a couple for a two-bedroom unit. When you confront him, he shrugs. That shouldn’t happen. It isn’t fair. And it did happen.

The pain is the loss of an apartment that you really wanted. You may feel sad and hurt. Suffering is what you do with that pain and the interpretation you put on the pain. Suffering is optional; pain is not.

It’s difficult to accept what you don’t want to be true. And it’s more difficult to not accept. Not accepting pain brings suffering.

Refusing to Accept Reality

People often say, “I can’t stand this,” “This isn’t fair,” “This can’t be true,” and “This shouldn’t be this way.” It’s almost as if we think refusing to accept the truth will keep it from being true or that accepting means agreeing. Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing.

It’s exhausting to fight reality and it doesn’t work. Refusing to accept that you were fired for something you didn’t do, that your friend cheated you, or that you weren’t accepted into college you wanted to attend doesn’t change the situation and it adds to the pain you experience.

Accepting reality is difficult when life is painful. No one wants to experience pain, disappointment, sadness or loss. But those experiences are a part of life. When you attempt to avoid or resist those emotions, you add suffering to your pain. You may build the emotion bigger with your thoughts or create more misery by attempting to avoid the painful emotions. You can stop suffering by practicing acceptance.

Life is full of experiences that you enjoy and others that you dislike. When you push away or attempt to avoid feelings of sadness and pain, you also diminish your ability to feel joy. Avoidance of emotions often leads to depression and anxiety. Avoidance can also lead to destructive behaviors such as gambling, drinking too much, overspending, eating too little or too much, and overworking. These behaviors may help avoid pain in the short run but they only make the situation worse in the long run.

Acceptance means you can turn your resistant, ruminating thoughts into accepting thoughts like, “I’m in this situation. I don’t approve of it. I don’t think it’s OK, but it is what it is and I can’t change that it happened.”

Imagine that you are late for an important job interview. Traffic is especially congested and you are stopped at stoplight after stoplight. Raging at the traffic lights or the drivers in front of you will not help you get to your destination sooner and will only add to your upset. Accepting the situation and doing the best you can will be less emotionally painful and likely more effective. With acceptance you will arrive at your interview less distressed and perhaps better able to manage the situation.

Radical Acceptance Requires Practice

Radical Acceptance is a skill that requires practice. Practicing accepting that traffic is heavy, that it’s raining on the day you wanted to go to the beach, and that your friend cancels when you had plans to spend the day together are important for coping well and living a more contented life. When you practice acceptance, you are still disappointed, sad and perhaps fearful in such situations, and you don’t add the pain of non-acceptance to those emotions and make the situations worse. Practicing acceptance in these situations also helps you prepare for acceptance in more difficult circumstances.

Everyone experiences losing someone they love. The death of a parent, a child, a spouse or a dear friend is particularly difficult. Your first reaction may be to say something like “No! It can’t be,” even though you know it is true.

The death of a loved one will always be difficult and painful. Acceptance means you can begin to heal. Resisting reality delays healing and adds suffering to your pain. When you practice acceptance everyday, you may be more prepared when the most difficult experiences in life occur. So practicing accepting the heavy traffic is about easing your suffering in that moment and also about being able to decrease your suffering in more difficult situations that may come.

Reasons to Not Accept Reality

Sometimes people behave as if they believe not accepting something will change the situation. It’s like accepting painful situations or emotions is being passive or giving in. That’s not it. It’s allowing reality to be as it is.

Other times people don't want to feel the pain. There are many life situations that are painful and that are not in our control. We can't avoid that pain, but we can control how much we suffer over the pain that we experience. Suffering is the part we can control.

A Place to Begin

Life gives lots of opportunities to practice. If you have a problem that you can solve, then that is the first option. If you can’t solve it but can change your perception of it, then do that. If you can’t solve it or change your perception of an issue, then practice radical acceptance.

Begin by focusing on your breath. Just notice thoughts that you might have such as the situation isn’t fair or you can’t stand what happened. Just let those thoughts pass. Give yourself an accepting statement, such as “It is what it is.” Practice over and over again. Acceptance often requires many repetitions.

Reference
Linehan, M. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: The Guilford Press, 1993.


Psychology Today

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 3:24 pm 
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Thanks for redirecting me here spender..The post I wrote in February (this feb last feb who knows it's all the same) shows I've been here before and I can get through itxx

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 12:17 am 
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I want to share the first use of radical acceptance I can remember, although at the time I had no idea that is what I was doing. I find it completely entertaining and I hope that you will to - please take some of it will the tongue in cheek that is intended. I lovingly refer to this redirect as my "Women in Africa" speech.

Way back in the day - 20 plus years ago, my daughter was a pre-schooler. She did not like going to daycare. She loved her daycare mom, but she missed me. And she would cry sometimes and then ask my why I couldn't do daycare like her daycare mom (because I like my sanity), and it just about killed me some days. I was young and worked a lot and I felt terribly guilty for having to leave my daughter to "let other people raise her". (hmm..sounds like someone else's condemning voice there..) Well, at one point it occurred to me that I could beat myself up over this, I could whine, moan and complain over my life circumstances and the fact that I could not stay at home with my child, or, I could accept the fact that it is what it is and no matter how bad I feel or how guilty I feel, it will not change the fact that I cannot afford to stay at home with my daughter. The rest of the negative feelings were exhausting and didn't help anyway. Where do the Women in Africa come in, you ask? Well, what helped me accept this fact was thinking about this mythological woman in Africa, who was pregnant and worked in the fields (Side note: I think there had been a documentary or something about difficult working conditions and it showed some of these extremely thin women working hard collecting food in the field). Did she want to work in the fields while she was huge and pregnant? No. Did she? Yes, because that is what she needed to do. In fact, she even gave birth while working in that field, scooped that baby up and put it on her back and went back to work. Why? Because she wanted to? I don't think so. Because it is what she needed to do. And, well, if my mythological woman in Africa can do all of that (without complaining, because honestly, who would she complain to and what good would it do?) because she needs to, then damn it so can I!

I was somewhere between 20 and 21 with a 3 or 4 year old when I came up with this, so please bear with me. But, it worked for me, and years later when I had my son and had guilt feelings again, I reminded myself of my story. I guess it was a good reminder for me that I can do what I need to do. That my circumstances are whatever they are and I can work to change them if needed, but how they are at the present is still how they are at the present.

So, there is my first radical acceptance story - way before it was cool. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 12:59 am 
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Thanks for sharing that. I always have difficulty with radical acceptance, but I really like your take on it. My counsellor and I actually talked about this today and she told me to hold some kind of image in my mind. I was a bit confused by the whole concept, but you've given me a really good example that makes sense. Thank you!


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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:35 am 
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I absolutely love Radical acceptance but sometimes I still feel cheated about having to accept things, but I know that feeling like that is not helpful, best thing to do is accept!!!yey

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 3:22 pm 
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Radical acceptance calms me. It helps me with difficult feelings if I can just say, "I radically accept that I am feeling fear/anxiety/anger/wilfulness/er cetera," because it drops the floor out in terms of how strong the feelings are. When I fight them, they get stronger.

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2016 3:23 pm 
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it is! what it is! love this x thanks for keeping my mood tame lol


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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:27 pm 
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What do you need to radically accept? Check the first post and this one to learn more about radical acceptance, and the role it can play in your healing journey.

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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:01 pm 
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I've actually only recently found that accepting that my bus is late or I'm going to be late somewhere actually decreases my anxiety in that specific situation. No matter how much I panic I can't make the bus drive faster or make time pass slower so that I can get wherever I'm going in time. It's better to just accept the facts and let go.

This is something I need to focus on more in recovery. I need to accept the traumatic events that has happened to me, feel the pain, and then move on. As long as I'm denying it, blaming myself, thinking I could have done something different etc, I'm going to suffer.

I'll give this a try:
I radically accept that my dad is bipolar and this has affected me throughout my childhood.
I have a lot of scary memories, and it has affected my ability to trust people. But it is what it is.


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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2017 2:32 pm 
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I radically accept that my financial situation is unsure at the moment, and there's nothing I can do about it right now.

I will talk to a social worker about my options and where I can get money from, and I will start looking for a cheaper apartment as soon as I know more about my future income.

There's nothing I can do RIGHT NOW, so no point in losing sleep because of it.


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 Post subject: Re: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2017 10:50 pm 
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snowangel wrote:
I radically accept that my financial situation is unsure at the moment, and there's nothing I can do about it right now.

I will talk to a social worker about my options and where I can get money from, and I will start looking for a cheaper apartment as soon as I know more about my future income.

There's nothing I can do RIGHT NOW, so no point in losing sleep because of it.


All so true! I love radical acceptance because it neutralises situations that I otherwise find distressing.

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